Notes From My iPhone | January – August 2020

Monday 20 January 2020
09:44

It’s 9:43.

I’m lying on his chest, with his arm around me and his leg draped over me.

He’s peacefully breathing – calm and steady. It’s so relaxing to listen to. I can feel my eyes simultaneously dropping.

He smells like him – it’s good but indescribable.

I am safe.

I am happy.

This is my favourite place to be.

Sunday 26 January 2020
06:02

I don’t mind a super late night ever so often, but almost every night this week is a pisstake.

Sunday 2 February 2020
19:35

Rice Bowl menu:

Tuesday 4 February 2020
13:57

Date with Jordan @ Ezra & Gil

Iced Matcha Latte Soya
Sprouts on Toast w/Smoked Salmon
Smashed Pumpkin (feta in a pot)

Friday 7 February 2020
11:10

I’ve had a really horrible morning. I’ve had no sleep and a pounding headache. There is nothing here.

Monday 24 February 2020
02:09

A man has just discarded my friend’s (girl) baccy rolling abilities. He rolled her his own; with HER baccy and HIS rolling papers and said it was “better for her lungs”. The audacity.

Wednesday 26 February 2020
00:13

Since I’ve been with you I’ve been myself. But before, I wanted to be somebody else.

Friday 28 February 2020
09:53

London

£60.10
Dinner – £30
Drinks at Box Park – £11.50
Tesco – £8.10
Boots – £3.39
Tube – £7.20

Thursday 05 March 2020
19:43

2020 running races I can get on board with:

Run Media City
5K + 10K

23 April

Runthrough Run Media City
5K + 10K

21 May

Great Manchester Run
10K or Half Marathan

24 May

Saturday 11 April 2020
22:46

My favourite person is Jordan.

Sunday 19 April 2020
09:22

Things I am missing:

Late night sessions with a pint at Arcane and white wine at Oast House
Overpriced iced vanilla oat lattes in the sunshine
Early morning swim session
Randomly stumbling onto something special at NQ Makers Market
Picking up ~ another ~ houseplant from Flourish
Big GAY nights out in the Village
Eating avocado on toast at Federal Cafe & Bar
Spontaneous date nights + brunch romances
Home Sweet Home vegan peanut butter and jelly cake
Karaoke in China Town
The 3.5-hour train home for dog cuddles and my mom

Monday 27 April 2020
17:34

I am happy. I have spent all day reading + loving. I have been wrapped in a cocoon of care.

Wednesday 29 April 2020
03:13

It is 3am. I had the perfect night. We watched old Pokemon movies which enchanted me, We ate creamy carbonara and cheesy garlic bread. We talked about me; why he likes me, his favourite clothes, his favourite things. We stretched my legs and we cuddled in the duvet. We talked about intimate and delicate subjects; ones which have not often been broached. We shared a night which I believed was transitional – was special beyond belief. Maybe one of my favourites.

Tuesday 12 May 2020
07:10

“Daddy-tinged sexiness of the older man beating her brain”

Clever Virginia Woolf references

Infidelity, family, love, lust, loss

Thursday 14 May 2020
10:38

29 knuts in a sickle

17 sickles in a galleon

493 knuts in a galleon

Friday 15 May 2020
21:59

Restless.

I want to go for a run but I do not have the energy. But, I will not have the energy or the enthusiasm to embark on any other daily activities unless I go for a run. My brain will benefit. My body will benefit. I should go for a run. But I do not want to go for a run.

Saturday 16 May 2020
00:24

I’m in a bit of a rabbit hole because I searched how to be a writer about 4 hours ago and I’m panicking that I’ll never be able to do it because I don’t know where to begin.

Wednesday 20 May 2020
08:14

Headspace Day 2 –

Even after only one session, I found the second meditation easier. I knew how to slip out of my bubbling mind and coax myself into the neutral state they are gently hounding for. I stopped my thoughts of “I should really do an Ellya Sam barre class later”, and thinking about the time I bought cigarettes at The Isle of Wight Festival because I wanted one, regretted it and then carried them all the way back to Manchester and gave them to one of my ex-friends as a souvenir.

Sunday 24 May 2020
20:05

Why does nobody ever do anything nice for me? Am I a nasty and horrible person?

Saturday 13 June 2020
07:35

We were in a field, just chilling, while we were watching a plane do a stunt. The plane comes down. I run over to cuddle you and protect you. Once the fire is put out we go back to chilling around the wreckage. Then the TMNT (teenage mutant ninja turtles) onboard the wreck. We run into town. I become Gabriella from High School Musical. You and Gabriella have been shot with loads of arrows. You peel them out, climb on the roof with her and phone your mom.

Meanwhile, I’m still in the field. I find Fiona and Clem; they’re cooking for the crowd. We walk past but all of a sudden we start running because some deadly dogs have been released. We quell them with jelly and chips. People start becoming infected by the deadly dogs and their eyes go white like ghosts. We run away. The dream ends by me running out into the roof and jumping down between the flowers, leaving everyone behind.

Wednesday 17 June 2020
19:10

The pressure I put on myself is too much. I am breaking.

Thursday 2 July 2020
07:46

Jordan was at a festival with his friends and I was at a different one. We’d just had a big buffet which was confined to the table. We all boarded the coach home and it drove us over a ramp which was meant to get us over a roundabout but instead we flew over it. The coach flew into the water. I was holding onto a door / a window so wasn’t damaged that much. But only 15/20 people got out of the wreckage.

Monday 6 July 2020
18:48

Citrus Carton ~

A freshly-squeezed fiction subscription service 🍊

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Launching soon 🚀✨

Sunday 19 July 2020
00:24

“Stop buying into people’s potential. You are not a start-up investor”

Thursday 20 August 2020
00:18

I am lonely and I am sad.

Sunday 30 August 2020
01:33

I have felt at a loss all day and I genuinely just want to be happy.