I have been schmoozing, boozing and floating around town with no pull of responsibility for the last fortnight.
This week, I have erratically danced, warbled and deep throated curry-splatted chips on various nights out. I have created an imprint of my body on the Northern Rail line; swam endless lengths until my head is spinning; and am currently curled up in bed with a book in the middle of the Northumberland countryside. Life this week, has been sweet.
Saturday 26 October
Everyday should begin with tofu scramble, a dive in the pool and just that one too many episodes of One Tree Hill. When your attention to detail wanes and you must pound the back button with a little too much vigour to catch up – that is how you know you went too far. I just cannot help it though – the nostalgia is deafening.
In the afternoon I peeled my eyes away from my laptop and emptied the contents of my wardrobe. A pile for eBay and Depop, a pile for the emporium of charity and a big old excuse to take photos with my kit off. After indulging in vanity, I celebrated my boyfriends birthday in Blackpool. Nothing says fun like me sliding up and down the dance floor of Ma Kelly’s in that horrific violet hue, I can assure you.
If you were in Mario’s at 4am you would have seen your favourite drunk couple demanding no sauce on a chip naan and dirty talking in the corner of the takeaway.
Who said that romance was dead?
Sunday 27 October
Sunday Funday did not exist this week. Instead, I resided all day in the hangover hotel. Unfortunately, I would tend not to recommend. I mean, there were no free shampoos or mini lotus biscuits in sight.
I tried to clear my boozy head at the beach. Failed miserably. Stormed up to Blackpool North train station in a big bad mood, holding my big bad head between my knees and choosing an orange Lucazade as my weapon of choice.
Armed still with that sauceless – and now stale – chip naan in my bag, I zoomed home for a hearty stop-me-being-hungover bowl of curried mince and a 7pm bedtime. I binned the chip naan.
A day of little accomplishment, zero productivity and ultimately boring. Great day!
Monday 28 October
Keep a girl away from Blackpool. I dare you to try. Scraped mayonnaise off of (and still ate) a falafel burger (sorry witnesses of my plant-based dickheadedness) in a pub. Drank far too many double gin and sodas and belly laughed with Jordan and his parents. Is that E Scott in Ma Kelly’s again – you must be joking. When did this become my local?
I also got to stroke a cute dog and inhale a portion of curry sauce-lathered chips later on that evening, while also dropping some of my boyfriends chicken wings on the floor. He in turn fell asleep while we were shagging. I call that a truce.
Tuesday 29 October
That corner seat at the back of the very last carriage of a Northern Rail train via Blackpool to Manchester may as well have my fucking name on it this week. A golden plaque; a reminder that I love gin on a Monday night but definitely despise it on a Tuesday morning.
I dived home, drank Alpro oat lattes; devoured Tesco’s finest £1.99 carrot and coriander soup; had a stint in the pool and finally started The Book Of Dust Volume II. No loud noises, please. Fragile human being in Salford right now.
Wednesday 30 October
Shopping; salads and sweet gossip with your favourite gal pal. Tell me a better remedy for loneliness.
Emily and I rambled around Topshop and found our way into Northern Quarter for sexy kebab and tortilla salads, oat milk coffees seitan chicken wings and goss central at Common.
I sporadically decided after to jump on a train back to Northumberland for dog cuddles and mushrooms on toast in front of an open fire. Life, you are good to me occasionally.
Thursday 31 October
Rise and shine world – I had arisen from my beauty sleep before 9am! Drank gallons of black coffee, ate peanut butter and sugary bananas on toast and took far too many pictures of my dog before noon. I wrote an abundance of thoughts and feelings down in my notes; cracked on with The Book Of Dust; created an ASOS Wishlist and felt truly creative for the first time all week.
Old Hallows Eve was spent sprawled out on the sofa hooting at Dark Shadows and eating no Halloween chocolate in my pjs. ‘I-love-halloween-lets-dress-up-as-a-slutty-cat’ Ella Scott would have been staring down the barrel of her nose at me in disgust.
Friday 01 November
Friday. Jazz hands. Made my brother drive me to Sainsbury’s for the essentials (tofu; Mac and cheese; mushrooms; bread and almond milk). Didn’t die. Not sure if that is a bonus.
Poured over Pinterest – another distraction from the real world, and managed to conduct some research into my new job role.
Raided my mom’s bookshelf and am snaffling a copy of Meat Free Monday back to Manchester with me. Success!
Saturday 02 November
A slow Saturday at home. Endless cups of sugary almond milk tea had fulled a day curled up on the sofa with my dog. Lashings of The Good Place punctured with few guilty-pleasure Dark Crystal episodes soundtracked the hours which passed.
A cosy night beside the fire drinking cans of Fosters followed and sleep caught me quick and fast. If relaxation was a week; it would indeed be this one.