Notes from my iPhone | May-July 2019

Monday 20 May 2019; 

Stephen Fry – Mythos, Gods, Hero’s &. Men
August 30 & August 31 

Royal Shakespeare Company: As You Like It
September 25 – October 5

Royal Shakespeare Company: Taming Of The Shrew
September 27 – October 3 

Royal Shakespeare Company: Measure For Measure
October 1 – October 5 

In Conversation With: Margret Atwood
October 27

October 30 – November 1 


Wednesday 22 May 2019; 

You can never love someone as deeply, nor as truly, as you can yearn for and miss them.  Apparently anyways.  

I think that is shit.


Monday 27 May 2019; 

I cannot wait for a morning where I can open my eyes and the first face to painfully brand itself on my retinas is not yours.


Sunday 9 June 2019; 

Skream b2b –
4pm-6pm; Temple 

Maribou State –
5:25pm-6:25pm; Sounds Of The Near Future

 Jungle –
6:55pm-7:45pm; Sounds Of The Near Future 

You’re listening to The Streets / lock down your aerials –
8:05pm-9:05pm; Parklife Main Stage

Bicep Boys –
9pm-11pm; Palm House

Thursday 13 June 2019; 

Finished my degree with a solid 2:2. Considering I dropped out of my first course; constantly battled with an intense eating disorder; worked full-time at The Palace, Yard & Coop and HSH throughout; spent too many nights in Sankey’s and Hidden’s toilets; had my heart broken twice in the space of four years (good going) and still managed to get a degree?  Ultimate wing.

 That four year period of destruction is over. 


Saturday 15 June 2019; 

Gorgeous and funny and nice. Come back.  Please.

Just 5 seconds is enough for me.  


Monday 17 June 2019; 

  • Buy Garnier Micellar Water (oil based)
  • Buy Mouth Wash (blue expensive one pref.)
  • Buy a card holder (I threw up in my last one)
  • Put tips in bank.  £210.
  • Buy plant pot.  Spider plant cannot thrive in a bowl.



Friday 21 June 2019; 

Media City steps on the way to the pool.

Inhaling second-hand cigarette smoke outside in the sunshine is my favourite smell.  There is something peculiarly nostalgic about it which I cannot quite put my finger on.


Tuesday 25 June 2019; 

“I’m sad, I’m lonely and I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round trying to bring in the bucks. I’ve lost any sense of who I am and I’m using sex to try and jolt me awake or plug myself into my body or maybe because I’m trying to find some kind of value in a body I have been abusing and under-nourishing for a long time now” – Lily Allen.


Saturday 29 June 2019; 

I am absolutely fucking sick to death.  What am I really achieving by physically and mentally starving myself on the regular ? A reassuring, hypothetical pat-on-the-back that screams “well done Ella, you do actually have feelings other than being hungry, tired and wanting to have sex.  Well fucking done”.  


Sunday 30 June 2019; 

Dear God,

Make it be.  Show me how to fix this.  I am stuck.



Monday 1 July 2019;

Ella (8)

Chris (6) 

Liam (5)


Ella £10

Chris £8

Liam £7.50


25.50 / 15.25


Sunday 7 July 2019; 

My heart will not shut up about you.  Around and around and around.  The same echos; the same places; the same sun, and the same moon.  The same feelings and the same tightening grip around my throat. Similar but not the same, it has never felt like this.  I missed you. 


Tuesday 9 July 2019; 

Honestly, if this is what genuine love and happiness feels like, then I never want this to end. 


Monday 15 July 2019; 

Peshwari naan
Vegetable Kashmir
Onion Baji 


Friday 19 July 2019;

Now, I do not want to jump the gun here, but I genuinely think this is it.  I have never been so sure of anything, ever.

This is it.


Thursday 25 July 2019;

House plants for the new flat which I probably will not kill: 


Saturday 27 July 2019;

I have never felt such stupidity and idiocy on my behalf.

I feel so small and so vastly unimportant.

Ground swallow me whole.


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