think: friends, it is not you – it is us

I do not know why, but nobody in my immediate family seems to be able to keep strong, healthy and constant platonic relationships for a long period of time.  I especially struggle with this.  I preach time and time again that losing friends and letting go of past fun-makers should be something you embrace because you are growing – but it seems to be happening more and more on the regular for myself at the moment.

I read somewhere on Twitter that from the ages of 17-23 you meet a lot of temporary people.  I personally think the term ‘temporary people’ is an awful way to describe somebody you used to be fond of spending time laughing so hard lemonade comes out of your nose with.  It did, however, make me think – why are these ‘temporary people’ who I am investing time within both actively coming to the conclusion of disliking me and/or my actions, and why they value other friendships higher than myself.

That sounds very self-deprecating but I like to explore the reasons behind things.  Why did the first love of my life never share the same burning passion I harboured for him?  Cough, cough, a show of absolute obsession… Why was I bullied by a group of girls continuously online and in real life for six years?  Why am I still being talked about as the biggest villain of 2017 by my previous friendship group? I do not want to know the answers to these questions because I would cry a river due to being a hyper-sensitive little bitch, but to know the motives would be extremely interesting.

I do stand by the belief that people come into your life for a certain period of time, before fluttering away after your relationship has run its course.  I have known a lot of people who I have benefitted from for a certain amount of time – we then outgrow our friendship and move on.  That is fine, it happens, I have accepted it.  I lived with one of my best friends last year and now she is on the other side of the world and communication has ceased.  That is okay, these things happen.  I am old enough to understand that things do not last forever.

I, however, am having a hard time fathoming how friendship in your 20’s can be so easily placed on the tallest shelf of the tallest tower and left to rot with no real explanation nor needed closure.  One day we are best friends, and the next – poof, vanish, wiped.  I cannot help but wonder whether I am the embodiment of the temporary people we discussed earlier.  Does the used get used again, eventually becoming the user who uses the used?

I would argue no.  I personally regard myself as a very protective friend.  Being cruel to be kind is not really my style.  Whether that means bare-faced lying to wrap my friends in bubble wrap and unconditional love, then that’s how it is.  I stick by it.  For instance, my friend told me our mutual pal was shit in bed…. This was perfect ammo to help my pal get over my friend.  Was I really going to divulge that information? No, some things are better off left unsaid so others can be protected.  Plus can you imagine how awful that must be to hear?

That is not me saying I am untrustworthy, or not honest in my friendships.  Far from it.  I just understand sometimes it is better to close your mouth in situations where hearts, history and lives are concerned. Is that so bad?  Apparently so, because of recent the people surrounding me have been dropping like flies. Bzzz, another one bites the dust.

So away from my pondering and moaning for a moment, let’s brighten the mood with colours and clashes.  At the moment, I am really experimenting with clashing prints, colours and still playing around with layering, trying to find my 2018 mark before the warmer seasons roll around.  In this kooky outfit, I have paired a gorgeous navy high neck crop top from Light After Dark with a floral black mesh Glamorous long-sleeved crop.  Enemies navy and black work in harmony, contrasting against each other, brightened up by the glorious pops of pink, green and red.  Florals for spring – how groundbreaking.  

The mesh also pairs well with the plain black opaque tights I have donned.  Because my Dorothy Perkins tights are something silly like 100 deniers because I have not fake tanned in god knows how long and it is freezing outside, having a block colour on my legs and a lighter version of the colour on my arms is both perfectly matched and extremely flattering.  The floral aspect of the mesh also allows eyes to be averted from my ever-growing bingo wings, while the opaque tights help to sculpt my legs.

The main centrepiece of this outfit is, of course, the Kate Moss for Topshop leopard print skirt.  This little baby has been with me for about three years now, and it is still my fail-safe for when my outfit needs that spruce up or an injection of fierceness. The skirt is a cross between an A-line and a pelmet, so your curves look absolutely flawless, and everyone who has ever borrowed this skirt from me falls head-over-heels.  The fuzzy touchy-feely aspect of the loud skirt however really adds to the overall appeal, making this statement piece seem far more expensive than it was.

I have paired the leopard print with my trusty Underground creepers – whoever said that double leopard print was any trouble?  These babies both add height (which is welcomed with open arms) as well as that slight edge.  If this outfit was donned with heels, the overall atmosphere would shift, however, I much prefer doing up these stompers and twirling around the streets of Manchester.

Back to the matter at hand.  Friendships, in my opinion, are formed on the basis of adoration.  I am obsessed with all of my friends.  Every single one of them. Even if they are not obsessed with me.  Even the people I am not too close to at this moment in time – check my Instagram stalking-history if you do not believe me! I root for them, and support them and would bend-over-backwards for every last one, even if they do tend to turn their backs on me in the end.

The point of this blog post is to tell you I am having a tough time with coming to terms with my ever-changing friendships at the moment (if you have not been able to tell before now) and I need all the help I can get in understanding why.  The old Ella, who takes everything in her stride and flaunts the fact she has a carefree personality has gone into hibernation, and a small, timid and anxious creature has seemingly replaced her.  I need to get my mojo back, and I think the first two steps are letting go of negative clouds and stop beating myself down for people not liking me.

Phewwww I needed that ramble!  I appreciate you reading my moan and honestly, positive E Scott is just on the horizon.  I can feel her.  The wheel is turning.

 

You cannot please everybody all the time.  A mantra I should have tattooed on my forehead right now.

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