Lifestyle | My ‘Anxiety Attacks’

If you decide to  Google ‘what is an anxiety attack’ a heap of extreme diagnostics, symptoms and tell-tale signs appear. They range from a fever to being unable to breath. If you google ‘what is an anxiety attack‘ you’re led to believe that if you didn’t freak out, pull your own hair from your scalp or roll around the floor in a fit of shock, that you probably didn’t have an anxiety attack.

Fatigue, insomnia, diarrhoea and irritability are four of the proclaimed symptoms of anxiety. However three out of those four are also considered an attribute of living as a teenager (nah, it’s not the diarrhoea.) So is the Internet self-diagnosing system outdated and wrong, lying to our faces? Not exactly… They’re just making a general summary. Remember, not everybody is the same.

My own, personal version of an anxiety attack is an overwhelm of emotion, followed by a fit of uncontrollable crying. These tears eventually die down to a sniffle and my attack is over, usually to be fully cured by a sugary tea and a snack (tonight’s was quorn chicken stirfry.) This is it. I understand that anxiety comes in very many different shapes, forms and attacks, but this is mine.  This isn’t the same for everyone. My moderate version of an anxiety attack allows my body to expel negativity and naturally calm down. It happens quickly, but it still happens.

For me, it isn’t scary. I know that my overwhelm of emotion will soon subside and I will retain my normal, resting bitch face accordingly. Just because mine lasts less than an hour doesn’t mean that an attack that carried on for longer isn’t as valid. Nor if your attack lasts less than five minutes is it invalid either.

What I’m trying to explain is the fact you can’t touch everyone with the same stick, or comb them with the same brush. If your anxiety attack is similar to my experience, or completely and utterly different, then that’s okay. We’re unique.

Just because the Internet claims you have to be dizzy to be suffering, doesn’t mean it isn’t legit.

My anxiety attack which has just passed, mainly revolved around my worry that I am currently failing my life, and I don’t know where or what I’m doing. My uncertainty of my future evidently got so bad that it triggered a very mute attack.

My anxiety is something not many other people than my boyfriend has experienced first hand. He has sat through my heartbreaking attacks on being unable to wear certain clothes because of my weight and me not being able to walk into a restaurant for the first time before him. Sometimes I can’t order a drink and other times I am peer-pressured into stopping drinking by the unbeknowing waitress. They can’t help it, and neither can I.

What I’m trying to express is that my anxiety isn’t a ‘5 step guide to diagnosing anxiety’, nor is it the same as anybody else’s. I’m not embarrassed about it at all, hence why I’m addressing this subject. I would just much rather not pour my heart out into my pillow at one AM and nobody else in the world understand why.


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